Back to Civilization

I didn’t know that it could get pretty hard to go back to a strange land after spending 2 weeks in the world that I had been so familiar and comfortable with ;-). It is never easy to let go off the attachment, isn’t it?

It’s not like I’m whining about my life situation in Sorong (or maybe I am). I actually enjoy it. I mean I enjoy being in Sorong when I am in Sorong ;-). But it’s different when I see it from Jakarta. There is this “x factor” that sets Sorong and Jakarta apart. It makes Jakarta look much more fascinating. And, it has made me not so keen to get on the airplane that took me back to Sorong on December 10 ;-(.

I guess it’s mostly about comforts or lifestyle. Or perhaps it’s more than just comforts? Perhaps it is all of those things that makes up for the civilization? (That kind of civilization that I'm familiar with?) I don't know.

But this comfort factor turned out to be quite illusive. As I landed in Sorong, things were all looking normal and not as bad as I had imagined when I was in Jakarta. Quite relieving. I guess it all depends on your options or alternatives. Had you had nothing for a comparison, then you would have nothing to complain about ... hehe. To live peacefully you shut yourself from other alternatives!

So, I come back to the place where I am supposed to be until mid 2008. That’s the plan.

One thing though … I missed some people in Sorong when I was in Jakarta. They are the kind of people that are hard to find in Jakarta.

What kind of Kindness?

What is kindness? Giving away things generously? Is there such thing as excessive kindness? Would such kindness be of help to empower others? Or would it instead work against empowerment?

Remember Fr Tromp? Some people, including other local priests (who come from other parts of Indonesia) are quite critical about the way he treats the locals. He is seen as being too generous and too kind to the people particularly the Papuans. It looks like he always gives almost anything they ask of him. And this gives the local priests a hard time for they can’t afford of being as generous as he is. Besides, that kind of generosity is considered a charity which often leads to dependency. Therefore, instead of empowering the Papuan, he pampers them. Many people see him as the foremost defender of Papuans. Apparently this is also the general attitudes of other Dutch-born missionaries. It is the reason why the native Papuans like them more than they like the local priests.

I somehow agree with the above-mentioned view about Fr Tromp. This reminds me of one Catholic priest in Java who has similar attitudes. I don’t understand how you could expect people to grow if you always grant anything they want with almost no efforts. Teach them how to get what they want. Teach them the how.

But it easier said than done. Honestly I have no clue on how it is to be done particularly with a civilization as young as the Papuans. To some of them (the people in Lembah Baliem in Wamena for instance) the encounter with other people outside their culture (read: modernity) occurred quite recently that was in 1957. How do you expect them to adjust their long-well preserved way of life in such a short period of time?

Fr Tromp thinks that the best you could do for them is “being there” for them without having pretension of turning them into modern men. But how possible is that? I wonder if perhaps the phenomenologist is being too optimistic to expect that one could really bracket his/her prevailing opinions or beliefs or whatever. Wouldn’t it be like climbing out of yourself?

And would it mean that we have to let them live the way they had been living their lives? The question is could some people seclude themselves from the rest of the world in a more integrated and open society like todays society? There have been some problems with the way Papuan who had been living a life as gatherers all their lives adjusting themselves with other culture or one may say ‘modernity’. We’ll talk more about this later.

Oh, Raja Ampat! - Part II

Compared to the nerve-wracking trip to Waigeo last September, the sea was quite calm this time. During that Waigeo trip, the sea got so rough that I was so certain it would eventually smash our small speedboat into pieces. With that terrifying prospect, I tried to pray (what else could one do in that kind of situation? ;-)). But, it was not easy. I was freaking out. The boat really looked like a tiny, powerless piece of wood being drifted harshly by the vast, wild, mighty ocean. Oh, ye of little faith! What was I so afraid to lose, I wonder ;-)?

Anyway, it was different this time. I so enjoyed this trip to Misool. I even sat on the deck enjoying the view of the beautiful Raja Ampat. It took us more than 5 hours to get to Misool because we also visited some kampongs in other islands like Batanta, Limalas, and Folei before we got to Tomolol, our final destination. It was actually a pastoral visit. Together with some church leaders, Fr Lewi was scheduled to visit his congregations in The Islands of Raja Ampat Regency which included the employees of a pearl farm near Tomolol.

We spent the nights in a compound that belongs to that farm. It was built on the sea. The farm also has other compounds in 5 different locations. The compound functions as the office and houses all of the employees in each location. Every morning, the speedboat takes the employees to the sea around the compound where they nucleate and tend the oysters and to the floating huts where they do their work (I don't know exactly what they do in there).

So the employees basically work and live in that compound. Once a month, they’ve got some days off when they could go to Sorong to finally set foot on the land and see other people besides their co-workers ;-). But the rest of the time, they are stuck with each other in that place. Thus, romance is obviously almost unavoidable. Two couples got married when we were there. They had been waiting for Fr Lewi to hold the wedding ceremony for them.

And it was such a modest ceremony. Ehm, maybe it’s a little bit too modest. They still went to work on the day they got married. One of the brides didn’t even have or bring her own lipstick. So, she used mine. No fancy gown. No parents. No extended family. No parties. No cakes. No drinks. No dancing. And … no wedding ring! It was just like another day. So casual. All they needed was the priest. "The worse the wedding, the better the marriage", says Carrie Bradshow from Sex and the City. Sounds like a good idea for your wedding? ;-)

Oh, Raja Ampat! – Part I

The place is so magnificently beautiful that it doesn't seem real! It was like being on the other planet or in the other time. I’ve never seen anything quite like it before. Hm perhaps the Twelve Apostles in the east coast of Victoria, Australia might be the closest one. But those rocks in Misool, Raja Ampat are many, many times more exquisite than the Twelve Apostles.

They stand above the sea looking like the stupas of Prambanan. Despite its striking beauty, I find the place a bit creepy though. The dark green water around those rocks is too calm, too quiet, too serene, and too deep. No waves whatsoever. It gets more eerie if you are there in the dusk when you could still see the dark shadow of the rocks and feel the intense tranquility of the see. We were in one group of the rocks at around 6.30pm (we visited 2 locations)! I held my breath for being captivated and intimidated at the same time by that daunting beauty. I felt like something could just abruptly emerge from the sea. Too wild of an imagination, huh! Unfortunately, it was too dark to take any pictures in a moving boat.


The other group of rocks that we visited is located on the way to the so-called “Tempat Keramat” (Sacred Place). It is a huge cave on a small rocky island with its gorgeous stalagmites and stalactites. We could actually go through the cave with a very small boat but our boat was a little too big to do that. But I’d rather not do that because I never like caves. It’s damp, cold, dark, and mysterious. And as if it was not enough, they even put a tomb at the mouth of the cave! What an idea!

With a four-engine speedboat, it takes about 4 – 5 hours from Sorong straight to Misool. The Regency of Raja Ampat (Four Kings) consists of 4 big islands these are Waigeo, Batanta, Salawati, and Misool. That’s where the name of “Ampat” (Four) comes from. But apart from those big 4 islands, there are hundreds of other small islands. According to Meidy who works for Coral Map in Waisai, Raja Ampat actually comprises 604 islands. Wow!

To Be Continued ...

Desperately Seeking For Ketupat

There are times when you can’t help being silly for wanting something so badly. Last Saturday was one of those times. I was craving for ketupat (rice wrapped with coconut leaves in a trapezium shape .. hihi ... good description?). Why? Well, it was Lebaran! It is the best time to eat ketupat.

Whenever I am in Jakarta, I always eat ketupat at Shinta’s in Tebet. But since I haven’t had many muslim friends here in Sorong, I had to tag along with others. So I went with dr. Alex, Willy, Shinta (Adonara) who lived in Bintang Timur clinic. The four of us left the clinic early at 10.30am with 2 motor bikes ready to hit the road. I was so determined to eat some ketupat that day. I was a woman on a mission.

The first house that we went to was Hari’s house who works at Yayasan Sosial Agustinus. Having waited less than 15 minutes, the host asked us to take some meal at the other side of the room. My heart leaped with joy. Oh yes!! But I didn’t find any ketupat on the table. So, I ate only a little to save some room in my stomach for ketupat that would have had later on. This was only the first house and we still had some more houses to visit.

From Hari’s house, we went to Aimas, around 30 minutes drive from Sorong. It was so damn hot of a day. The sun shone blazingly. It was scorching. You’ll be burnt to a crisp if you dare to stand in the sun of Sorong for 2 hours. Refused to get more tanned than I had been already, I equipped myself well enough for the ride. I put on my sweater, a cap, a scarf to cover my nose and sunglasses.

We stopped at the front yard of a quite nice house in the transmigran’s (Indonesian government’s program in Suharto’s era to move people from Java to other islands including Papua) area in Aimas. This time, it was dr. Alex’s acquaintance. It looked promising. Unfortunately, the host turned out to be a bachelor. There was no chance of having ketupat there. Feeling a bit disappointed, I convinced myself that the hope was still there.

Then we went to Pak Slamet’s house. Pak Slamet is Fr Tromp’s driver who picks me up every Thursday evening. I was so hopeful this time because when I told him that I would like to eat ketupat at Lebaran he said he’d have had it at his place. It was still in Aimas. But the weather suddenly changed dramatically. It started to rain heavily albeit only a few minutes. We had to pull over to find a shelter. We found Pak Slamet’s house. Having waited for quite some time, there was no sign of our getting some ketupat. So we, ehm I mean I, left the house with a big dismay. The hope was fading away now. I was losing my confidence.

We then headed back to Sorong. There was still another, the last, house to go. Trying to save my mission, dr Alex suggested us to go to a doctor’s house, before that last house, which he thought might have had ketupat ;-). Thanks! This hadn’t been on the plan. Disappointingly, we found only an empty house. And the last house also turned to be a big disappointment. The host had gone out. Apparently, my mission was destined to fail. A total failure!

It was almost 4pm. Everyone looked tired now. The weather has added so much to our weariness. It rained for 5 minutes then it stopped. It rained again then stopped. We had already pulled over 4 times during the whole ride. So much for ketupat ;-)! And I ended the Lebaran day in Sorong with a bowl of instant noodle … crying out loud!

Survive with Rp 30.000/month?

How long could one survive with Rp 30.000 (USD 3.3) in his pocket? One day? Two days? One week? How about one month? Are you kidding me?

No, I am not kidding. I am dead serious. I know it is not even enough to pay for one (short) cup Frappucino in Starbucks, Jakarta or to buy lunch in Tokyo or to watch movie in the Waterfront, Capetown ;-). Well, it may be enough to buy lunch in an average restaurant in CBD area in Jakarta. But that’s only for one day or 2 days if you don’t mind eating in the basement!

Okay, here are some additional, relieving facts. Let say you do not have to pay for accommodation, food, medical and transportation (simply because you are not supposed to go out ;-)) but you have to use that Rp 30.000 for everything else: soap, toothpaste, detergent, clothes, underwear, entertainment and all other daily necessities. Is it still impossible to do? I know very well that some of you would think so. I do think it is impossible (for me) to do that.


But some people, I mean real people, have been doing it in this real life! And they survive so far. I’ve met them alive ;-). They are my students in Rumah Bina (Prep School) of Pieter Van Diepen Seminary, Sorong. Being the priest candidates, I guess they are expected to lead a very modest way of lives. They must learn to survive each month with that little amount of money. I found out later that most Catholic priest candidates must actually undergo the similar situation. It is part of their education or training process. Some told me that at least those candidates in Sorong do not have to pay for anything. In some place, the priest candidates actually have to pay some fees or pay penalties if they later decide to discontinue their education in seminary.

Alright, I know some of you might say, “hey, they should consider themselves lucky because there are so many people who do not know what to eat for their dinner tonight or do not have a place to sleep at night.” I know, I know. Still, it is quite new for me to learn that someone could actually survive with Rp 30.000 per month. I suppose with that amount of money one could only afford a very basic lifestyle. But isn’t a basic lifestyle enough? Really? I don’t know.

One thing for sure I suddenly feel so very rich.

Nothing is Too Profane

If you think the church is only concerned about the after life, think twice or come to Papua. The church here becomes very much part of the everydayness. Nothing is too profane to take care of. Sometimes it even involves cultivating and selling bananas or beans ;-). That’s what Father Anton Tromp, OSA, does. Well, among so many other things of course.

He is now the rector of Pieter Van Diepen Seminary in Aimas, Sorong Regency where I spend 2 days a week teaching. He is also in the financial board of the Diocese of Manokwari-Sorong, the board of LBH in Manokwari and AMA in Jayapura, the Prior of the Augustinian Order, and many other things. But don’t expect him to be that typical bureaucratic, religious leader who is waiting to be served or who is concerned only with the after life. He is certainly not. In fact, he’s so down to earth. He does all sort of things that a religious leader in other places might be reluctant to do. I’ve seen him sitting with some students sorting out beans that they were going to sell to town. He took the broom and swept the floor afterwards. One day when we were talking in his place some locals came in with a dead boar. They caught the boar but they did not know where else to go to sell it but to him. Fr Tromp weighed it and bought it at the market price, Rp 25.000/kg.

I certainly got the impression that he’s more than just a priest there. The other day I also saw some locals who came to him to tell him about someone who had been drawn in the sea for a few days but the body had not been found up to that moment. And I’ve heard someone in Manokwari who’s having a problem with his house called him up for help. They come to him with problems, real problems to be solved. In other words, he is their actual leader. Moreover, I just heard from other priests that the people around the place love him a lot.

Talking to him about Papua is like talking to an encyclopedia. He knows so much about Papua. He said to me, “I know most of Papuan. Pick one name and I could tell you what his/her father or family has done in the past. I know all of their sins.” Isn’t he funny? But it’s probably true because he has been living in Papua for 37 years. He came to Papua in 1970 when he’s 24. He’s been in Papua longer than he had been in the Netherlands, his original homeland. He is now an Indonesian citizen.

Fr Tromp is an illustration of the role of the churches in Papua which is certainly not to be underrated though of course not all priests are loveable and serving like him ;-). The churches had been here long before the government (Indonesia) came. Papua just joined the Republic of Indonesia after the referendum (Pepera) in 1963 while the missionaries had already been here since around 1855. These missionaries were the ones, with small air crafts, who went to those remote, isolated places where no one had ever stepped foot before. They, both Protestant and Catholic, play a significant role here in Papua. In the past, the Dutch arranged that the Protestant went to the north and the Catholic went to the south. It’s all different now though I could somehow still feel the sentiment. I was asked so many times about my religion. I don’t quite know how to answer it. Faith is a tricky subject to define ;-).

On Sorong

Now let’s talk about the town where I’m living now, Sorong. The town lies at the “mouth” of the Bird Head of Papua Island. There are many other small islands surrounding the town. It’s a small town with around 160.000 – 170.000 people. Nevertheless, it’s already considered a big town in Papua that has only about 3 million people living in the whole island. In the past, Pertamina owned most parts of the town. Sorong has everything that a small town normally has: shops, supermarkets, banks, hotels, restaurants, hospitals, etc. And as I said earlier, you could find almost everything here.

But honestly, nothing is really interesting or beautiful about the town. Rain that has been pouring the town everyday over the past 3 months has destroyed most of the low-quality streets and has created so many potholes. The rutted sidewalk and the front yard of most buildings or houses look dreadful. I really think that the municipal government should work harder on the cleanliness of the town. There is no sin in making a town clean, pretty and in order, isn’t it? They don’t have to evict anyone to do that, do they ;-)?

The landmark of the town I guess is what they call “tembok” (wall). Some of them call it “tembok Berlin” which I find it bizarre since there is no resemblance whatsoever either in shape, meaning or history with that historical wall in Berlin. Anyway, it’s not an official name so let’s leave it there. Tembok is a hangout place. As the name suggested, it is the wall or fence around 1-2 meters high that is built along the coastline from Lido to the harbor which is about 2-3 km long. It’s painted blue. And I find it ugly.


But that’s the only place where you could sit to watch sunset because there is practically no sand beach in town. In fact, it might be specifically built for that purpose because it looks more like a bench. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen a spectacular sunset since my arrival. Probably it’s because of the weather. Young people who don’t bother with sunset could just hang out there with some friends to watch the passersby. The main attraction of the wall is probably “the food court” that is some warung tegal (hawkers) at the one end of the wall that open at night and sell variety of food like ayam bakar, bakso, soto, nasi goreng, cap cay, coto makassar, pisang epe, etc. Not the typical local food, for sure.

One thing I like about the town though is its public transport. You could get around the places by “taksi” as the locals call it though it is actually a yellow minibus (or “angkot” as known by other Indonesians). The fare is Rp 2.000 to anywhere plus some loud, very loud, music ;-). There’s no “kenek” (assistant to the driver). So, to get the door closed every time a passenger gets off, the driver pulls a rope which its other end tied to the door. Convenient! Unlike Jakarta in where everything seems to be in a rush, here you could actually take your time to get in or get off the taksi. The driver or other passengers will wait for you patiently and won’t slam the door behind you. That is never going to happen in Jakarta where the bus is already taking off before your feet even touch the ground.

But you know what the biggest problem that this town has? No teh botol here ;-). Damn! In Jakarta or other cities in Indonesia, one can easily find teh botol in every corner. I feel like I was in a foreign country … Hiks!

Bad Haircut Won't Kill

I just witnessed something stupefying today! I entered the pavilion in Bintang Timur clinic where Shinta was staying and couldn’t believe what I saw in there. I’ve never seen this in my life. In there, Shinta was cutting Debby’s hair. What’s so strange about that? Well, what could possibly go through your mind when you let someone who has never had any single training as a hairdresser in her whole life cut your hair?

I couldn’t bear that thought. It took me years to finally find a hairdresser to whom I entrusted my hair. I’ve never attempted another hairdresser until now. It was like finding your soul mate ;-).

I just want to underline the importance of a hairdresser in one’s life … ergh … I mean in my life. Why? Because it is you who will bear all the consequences of every single thing s/he does with your hair. It is you who will walk with funny looking hairstyle for many months if s/he has done something wrong. And the thought of paying someone to make you look funny is utterly excruciating!

So, I nervously watched Shinta’s hands as the hands ungainly moving around the hair to perform the task. It was plain to see how inexperienced those hands were. I was trying to look for a trace of doubts in Debby’s face or anxiety in Shinta’s face. Nothing! In contrast, they both seemed so relaxed like it was a normal thing to do. I restrained myself from stopping them. Debby, a Sangir girl who works in the clinic, wasn’t bothered much with the rough looking hairstyle that she now has. And Shinta, the girl from Larantuka, appeared to be as calm as any other experienced hairstylists who just completed her work. I didn’t offer any comments. I was still in a state of shock. I later found out that many people in Sorong do this that is having friends or family cut their hair though there are actually some hairdressers in town.

But I guess I envy them for taking their hair not too seriously as most people in a different “Lebenswelt” do. It’s like they are saying to me: It’s just hair, so what? They’ll grow. There are so many other important things to worry about in this life. Bad hairdo won’t kill you, will it? Nah!

From A Distant Land

I’m just being thrown to a far-away land. Welcome to Papua! I finally landed in Sorong, Papua on September 1st, 2007 after a long flight with 2 layovers (that means 3 takeoffs and 3 landings … phew!).

A new episode has just begun.

I was told by the Archdiocese with whom I flew to Papua that Sorong was actually quite big of a town. Hm, I didn’t quite believe him and I chose to play safe. So, I brought so many stuffs with me thinking that Papua was “supposedly” the least developed region in Indonesia where you could not find anything but only the very, very basic stuffs. I packed my bag like I was about to go to South Pole or Timbuktu or somewhere like that. Fortunately, they didn’t charge me for the overload baggage. But to my disappointment, I soon found out that Sorong had almost everything I needed! I could find my shampoo, my soap, my milk, my tissue there ;-). I also could easily find satay, soto, martabak, Chinese food. And, they even have KFC! Ah, there goes my exotic, tribal island! There goes my plan to use this chance of forcing myself to go on diet based on the knowledge that the food would be so plain. Truly disappointing!

Wait, but that’s only Sorong, the city, that I know only for 3 days now. The truth of the matter is I ain’t seen nothing yet for I haven’t been to those remote places, up in the mountain, or to other part of Papua which I’m sure would captivate me. So, I shouldn’t kill that hope yet ;-).

Another surprise is to see so many non-Papuan here in Sorong. Some people even told me that the non Papuan actually outnumber the native Papuan. They mostly come from Sulawesi (Makassar, Toraja, Manado), East Nusa Tenggara, Ambon, Java and I see some Chinese. But it all makes sense because Sorong, being a harbour, is actually a gate to Papua island, the “closest” to Indonesia ;-).

I’m interested to find out more about the people. It should be interesting. I’ve already heard about the heavy drinking habit and BNS (Baku Naik Sembarang) the free sex culture that placed Papua as the region with the highest rate of HIV/AIDS infection. But for now, let’s hold all the judgment …

Happy 62th!

There are a few things in life that we do only once a year. And I just realized it yesterday that "panjat pinang" is actually one of those things. In Indonesia, we only do it on August 17th, on our Independence Day. "Panjat pinang" is a game where groups of people must climb a betel palm tree to get the prizes on its top. The only problem is the tree is spread with oil. So, in order to win they have to work together and do some acrobatic movement. The prizes range from a basket of food to a bike!


There are some other games that are usually played on the Independence Day such as "makan krupuk" (eating crackers that are hanged in front of your face while your hands are tied), "balap karung" (sack racing) or "tarik tambang" (tug of war), etc. But unlike "panjat pinang", these other games can easily be found in any social gatherings. You cannot see "panjat pinang" on other dates but August 17th.

Why bother talking about games on such an important day? Well, why not? Why should we spend energy on a dreary topic like what makes us proud to be Indonesian. I'm afraid I'll get frustrated on trying to find the answers. The recent poll (14-15 August, 2007) by Kompas shows that 34% of respondents in 2007 are not proud to be Indonesians whereas only 5.1% of respondents in 2002 felt that way. Oh dear!

A Wild Ride

Why do we hate corrections? Yes, they are bitter and painful but they also give us a chance for a healthier, stronger and further growth. Don’t they? Therefore we should actually celebrate what’s been happening in the global stock market i.e. a plunge triggered by the US credit crunch fallout over the past few weeks. The risk is now being repriced. Besides, we can’t have a bull market all the time, can we?

Well, it’s certainly easy for me to say that because I’m currently not holding any positions in any capital market instruments now ;-). Some fund managers however, whose funds are exposed to the US subprime mortgage, must be going through hell now. Yet it is still a nicer hell compared to the one that the investors are going through now.

So, it’s more of a show, a reality show, to me. I think the current situation of the global stock market should have won the prize for The Most Interesting Reality Show. So much drama and suspense. I’m willing to lose some sleep for having to stay up late, sometimes until 3 am Jakarta time, to watch CNBC. It’s been very amusing to see how the market players interpret and react to the situation. Analysts, traders, fund managers, investment strategist, academics or even central banks are all trying to figure out what’s been really happening with the market and most importantly what to do next. Sell? Hold? Or buy? They argue, they debate, they scream and they are confused. Central banks are criticized for injecting too much money or too little money or even for intervening/bailing out or not intervening the market. Chaotic!

The problem is nobody seems to know yet how big the exposure is until the dust settles. This adds nervousness to the frenzy and thus sends the volatility over the roof. It’s been a wild ride. Moreover, you cannot really trust the big houses these days. One day they say they have no exposure to the sub prime loan now but tomorrow they may say other things or already suspend the redemption of their funds.

So, buckle up! The show does not end yet.

That Bloody Microchips

Imagine how the world would be if people are divided into the ones tagged with microchips and the ones without. Imagine how your life would be if you happen to be the one whose body is tagged with the microchips. Everywhere you go, whatever you do will be all monitored. Doesn’t it sound like a tale from a dusty, old book or movie? Unfortunately, it might well turn into a reality, here in Indonesia, in the land of Papua. The parliamentarians in Papua are considering a controversial bylaw that would enforce this using of microchips.

The purpose of the bylaw is to monitor the sexual behavior and activities of people living with AIDS. One of the lawmakers there calls it a “major breakthrough” to fight against HIV/AIDS. What was running through their minds to even consider such things? This is a power/state intervention to the human body. It reminds me of Michel Foucoult that explains this relation between power and knowledge in an attempt to control the behaviour of society. What’s left to a person if s/he cannot have power over her/her own body?

Let’s continue our imagination. Imagine how devastating your life will be when people around you look at you as “the other” who should be avoided. Wherever you go, you bring with you the tag of the outcast, the pariah. This is the most brutal form of modern discrimination. Having the microchips tagged you may cost you your job, your family, your friends. You may even have to live in a secluded, designated area. You stop becoming a person. In short, you lose your life.

Phew … I think I should stop the imagination here because it starts to freak me out to think of the possibility of tagging the microchips not only to people living with HIV but also to anyone that those in power would like to get rid of. That would be the most horrifying thing one could ever imagine.

I hope this is only a dream … Wake me up, please!!!

Where God Kissed The Earth

I always dream to have a house by the lake with huge windows looking out to the mountains. The other side of the house, as I imagine, is surrounded by the carpet-looking paddy field or grassland. I just recently found the perfect place for that dream house. And it isn’t that far … not in New Zealand or Switzerland or South Africa which I consider among the most beautiful places on earth but it’s there in my homeland from which my ancestors come from.

How ironic that it has got to take someone else from a different land to show me how absolutely beautiful Tano Batak.

Tano Batak is in North Sumatra, Indonesia. The highlight of it is off course Lake Toba. All this time I had been aware of its beauty (or so I thought) but I didn’t realize that the beauty is so stunning until my recent visit. This time I have a chance to see it from the side which I didn’t know ever existed before. Despite the cold feet that I got when we drove down from Tele to Sianjur Mula-mula, the picturesque view really took my breath away. The scene in Tongging where the waterfall Si Piso-piso is situated is also amazingly exquisite. Rm Lili jokingly said that God must have kissed the earth once when God created it in whatever year. And that part of the earth is of course Lake Toba.

However, the view is so far enjoyed by only a few people. There are only a few tourists go visiting the place. Many would rightly say that tourism in North Sumatra is not well or properly managed. The government has not been really exploring the potentials of that region. Or perhaps they simply don’t know what and how “to sell” the potentials? Apart from the panoramic scenery, the Batak culture is actually very interesting to observe. Nice landscape would eventually bore you but interesting people would always be fascinating to explore.

But ... ah, isn’t a blessing in disguise for me? Keep it that way, the place for my dream house would neither be so expensive nor overly commercialized like other touristy places. It will remain quiet, fresh and clean. Hopefully I could still feel the kiss of God over there …

Know Thy Neighbor

It is not meant for as a moral suggestion. As a matter of fact the suggestion has an economic value. And I just lost some money for not knowing my neighbor. How so?

Having moved to my apartment, I decided to sell my house in Lippo Karawaci. It was a very small but lovely house in a safe and nice neighborhood. I had lived there for 5 years before I moved to Jakarta. Actually I hardly really lived there because I spent most of my time in Jakarta (about 25km away) not only during the week but also in weekends. Just like thousands other commuters I had to commute to Jakarta every day because I worked in Jakarta. And almost every weekend I drove back and forth Jakarta since all of my friends live there. Probably it was more of a hotel than a house because I only put my stuffs and came to sleep at night. So, I did not have time to socialize with the neighbors.

Is it really? Nope, I think I just found myself an excuse.

The truth is I am not really that kind of person who likes to socialize with the neighbors. I have this kind of attitude of “leave-me-alone-and-mind-your-own-business”. I did not try to make any efforts to get to know any of them. Too lazy to have small talks. It is also the reason why I chose to live in an apartment now. Is it really a typical attitude of city folks? I hope only a few people in Jakarta have that kind of attitude. I’ve learned my lesson ;-).

Anyway, I then contacted a property broker to help me sell the house. It took her almost a year to find a buyer with the price that I wanted. And to my surprise, it was my neighbor who bid my house. They wanted to buy the house for their daughters. Why didn’t they call me instead? Well, how on earth they could get my number if I have never had talked to them? And when I put the house on sale, I already had moved to the city.

So, get to know your neighbor. If it’s not for a moral reason, at least you may save some money. They could be your potential buyers. It had cost me the brokerage fee for not knowing the people who lived next to my house ;-). Not good enough for a reason, huh? Sounds too calculating? What if I say that I actually felt bad for not knowing Pak Johan and Bu Yulia who turned out to be very nice people? Okay ... that sounds better.

Befriend The Darkness

Last night I got a text message from a friend about something that got me thinking about it the next day. At first, I was not that interested because it was such a cliché question. I used to think about this question long time ago but kind of forgetting it now. Many philosophers have been asking the same question: what makes us happy? Aristotles, hedonists, utilitarists, etc. are among them.

Here is the conversation:

He, 10:40 pm
Could you say one reason why we should be happy in this life?

Me, 10:54 pm
A lot: instant noodle when it’s raining, lying down on grass field facing up d sun, long talk with a friend, surprising emails or calls … etc. Hehe, not serious?

He, 11:07 pm
They r temporary. U wont lie down on d grass field all year, or have a surprise call every day. Just one thing as a reason 4 us to be happy in this life … (?)

Me, 11:17 pm
I don’t thnk theres ONE thing that could make people happy permanently. It’s a combination of many thgs and has more 2 do with our state of mind.

He, 11:32 pm
If this is so, d one thing we seek after is d happy state of mind: how we perceive this life. It depends on d state of mind, not things in d world.

Me, 11:42 pm
Yeap. Maybe the correct word is not ‘perception’, too idealistic. It should include our attitude, approach towards life. Why asking? Seeking 4 happiness? Hehe

He, 11:57 pm
Why asking? Doesn’t Heidegger say question is d piety of thinking? I am practicing it. Life isn’t that interesting but that’s why it is interesting to think about it.

Me: 12:11 am
Really? I thnk life is soo intrstng that’s why it is interesting to thnk abt it ;-). Full of unpredictable thngs, mystery, irony, anxiety, unspeakable moments … Sometimes despair, pain, boredom color it. But they make life more intrstng. It’s a truly great work of art.


But when I was writing down my last message I actually forgot that I myself had been too focused on goals or targets (no matter how authentic they are). I thought achieving the goals would make me feel happy and enable me to escape the gloomy, depressing, disturbing emotions or state of mind such as despair, anguish, agony, boredom. Unfortunately, they are a fact of life. They are parts of life. Instead of running away from them maybe I should befriend them. Oriah Mountain Dream perfectly says it in the Invitation:

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

Hot Money and Simulacrum

How exactly the stock price or exchange rate is determined? There are some models and theories out there but I don't think there has been any single theory that could accurately determine the price and thus predict the price movement. Maybe there will never be. The capital market would be so boring if there was such a model ;-). Let us keep the mystery going so that the analysts have many things to say or revise.

Perhaps Kant is right about the noumena behind the phenomena. The so-called fair market value can be viewed as the noumena which according to Kant cannot be possibly known. Price which should reflect the fair market value seems to live in its own world. As I mentioned in my recent article in Ecosoc, hot money, depending on its size, may turn the price into the signify which gets disconnected from the signified i.e. the fair vale as described by Ernst Cassirer, the Kantian philosopher.

Are we talking about what Baudrillard called simulacrum that is the world of symbol which gets entangled from the real world where you can't tell the real apart from the signs or the symbol? I still believe that though the symbol may wander off the reality for sometime, it cannot go that far. There will be a market mechanism that alllows a correction to occur bringing the price back to its fair value. But which fair value? How do we tell that the price has returned to its value? Here, we are back to the problem of determining the fair value.

Gee, this reminds me so much of the discussion between realism and anti realism in philosophy. One could end up being an objectivist or a relativist or somewhere in between i.e. "I am this but ..." kind of approach. It is always safe to be in the middle, isnt it ;-)?

I personally think that we could somehow "know" the fair value or at least get near it. It could also be just a consensus among the market players but the consensus is always based on something i.e. what they believe the fair value is. The market is not all that anarchic ;-).

Phew ... I have never realized how close the capital market and philosophy can be ...

This is what I wrote in Ecosoc blog :

The hot money phenomenon in Indonesian capital market has prompted a debate over the possibility of another economic crisis. Hot money is the very short-term fund from overseas that is invested in liquid instruments such as capital market instruments or foreign currency. Is the worry justified?

Considering the fact that the foreign reserve of Bank Indonesia is currently at its high record (USD50 billion) many believe that Indonesian government would be able to manage the would-be huge money outflow while keeping a crisis away from the economy. However, I would argue that the possibility of another crisis is just a matter of degree of the magnitude of the real problem itself. The fundamental problem of the hot money itself is often being played down. Even at a normal scale, hot money would create enormous volatility in the financial market especially that of the emerging market because of its size and its short-term period of investing.

Hot money would not only increase the volatility or fluctuation of the prices but would also disconnect the prices from their underlying assets these are the fair value of the companies (for stocks and bonds) and the countries’ economy condition (for currency). It is as if the price became the signify that engaged in its own world, the world of symbol, isolated from the signified i.e. the underlying assets as described by Ernst Cassirer. The signify is supposedly the symbol, something that represents, the signified. But according to Cassirer the signify could then create its own structure and values which are no longer attached to the signified. Is that what happened with the superior performance of the Jakarta Composite Index (JCI) lately? Has the JCI turned into the signify that is disconnected from the fair value of its underlying assets?

Theoretically, the stock prices, aggregately represented by the index, should reflect the fair value of the listed companies. However in reality the price does not always accurately mirror the fair value due to the nature of the price determination or price discovery itself. But in normal situation, there prevails in the market a mechanism that allows correction to happen “guiding” the price back to its fair market value. What exactly this fair value and how it is determined is another discussion. But we could say here that when the price is getting too high it will be “forced” to come down and vice versa. It’s a matter of timing. However certain situation might arise that the correction is being put on hold. This would result in an even bigger correction than it should be. The liquidity shock stemmed from hot money is one example of the situations. Instead of moving in accordance with the changes in fundamental conditions of the companies, price is now largely moved by the liquidity.

Let us take JCI as an illustration. In May 23, 2007, JCI set its highest record at 2.104 after previously creating new a series of high records. For the first 5 months of 2007 (up to May 23) JCI has grown by 16.6%. Meanwhile, the economy only grew by 5.4% p.a. for the first quarter of 2007 or 1.35% for 3 months. We obviously could not do a par-to-par comparison on the index and the economic growth because the index or stock price is based on the ongoing-concern assumption. But the discrepancy between the index growth and the economic growth in itself has been already quite big. It is even bigger should we consider the JCI past performance in 2006 that stood at 55% making it the 3rd best performer worldwide after China and Russia. Therefore, the 5-months performance in 2007 cannot be the continuation of any correction that should have happened in 2006. This discrepancy might even get worse if we take into consideration the problems in real sector that has made the real sector fall behind the financial sector. JCI seems to have been pulled off its root i.e. the fair value of the companies.

It is therefore plausible to argue that Indonesia is currently experiencing a bubble. This bubble phenomenon apparently is not the monopoly of Indonesia. Some other Asian countries particularly China are undergoing similar situation. Shanghai SE A Share Index grew phenomenally by 112% in 2006 and 56% for the first 5 month of 2007. But perhaps China should be seen as a different case from Indonesia. The bubble here in Indonesia is due to the hot money inflow flooding the market with excess liquidity and the effect of the US stock market performance. According to Bank Indonesia (BI), the central bank, in April 2007 around Rp 45 trillion foreign funds are invested in SBI (a sort of treasury bills), Rp 77 trillion invested in bonds and Rp 5.6 trillion invested in stock. BI also estimates that a total of US$10 billion (Rp 90 trillion) of short-term funds may leave the country any time from now. This amount comprises US$1.5 billion in SBI, US$5.5 billion in bonds and US$3 billion in stock. It is a huge amount for Indonesian market. The average daily trading volume of stock in Jakarta Stock Exchange in 2006 was only around Rp 2 trillion and the average daily trading volume of bonds in SSE was about Rp 3 trillion. This small trading volume is corresponding to the small market capitalization. The market capitalization of the Indonesian stock market now is ranging from Rp 1,200 – 1,400 trillion and the market capitalization of the bond market in 2006 was around Rp 470 trillion. It is considerably small compared to other stock market in the region. For instance, the market capitalization of Hong Kong stock market in the end of 2006 was US$ 1,715 billion (Rp15.435 trillion) and the Singapore stock market was US$ 393 billion (Rp3.537 trillion). Accordingly, it is easy to see how the hot money would affect the market with the size as small as Indonesian.

So, should we just sit there and watch the bubble burst out by itself? The current monetary system does not leave much room for the government to mitigate the risk i.e. the liquidity risk. Under the current system, the government has a limited control on the flow of funds coming in and going out of the country. Hot money is the phenomenon of the free market with the free-floating currency regime that indicates how vulnerable the financial market of a country can be. The most vulnerable of all is the emerging markets. Hot money put our financial market and economy at the mercy of the foreign (hedge) fund managers with million of asset under management.

Regardless of whether the phenomenon of hot money this time will trigger another crisis similar to the one in 1997 – 1998 or not, a huge and short-term funds flow could drift the prices away from the fair value of their underlying assets and thus create instability in the financial market and possibly the economy. The hot money flow ought to be kept in check. It is certainly not an easy job but obviously something has to be done.

The "Creative" Nothingness

I have got some interesting questions from Emanuel Bria, a Whiteheadian from East Timor ;-), in regards with my previous posting “Welcoming the Nothingness”. They are so intriguing that I decided to put the answers in a new posting.

I never really think of comparing Heidegger with Whitehead. So I am not sure if I could answer the questions correctly because first of all I don’t know much about Whitehead’s thoughts. Secondly, I am still very much confused about Heidegger’s thoughts. Thus, answering these questions is like walking in the dark … marching into the realm of Nothingness ;-) …


1. The idea of lethe as a "movement", reminds me to Whiteheadian "Creativity". It has no ontological status but "there is" (quite paradoxal isn't it?). For a thing to exist two conditions are necessary (1) Physical pole; (2) conceptual one. And "Creativity" has neither of them. How about this Heideggerian "lethe"?

Lethe = creativity? Well, let’s see what Whitehead said in Process and Reality about creativity: "It is that ultimate principle by which the many, which are the universe disjunctively, become the one actual occasion, which is the universe conjunctively. It lies in the nature of things that the many enter into complex unity. . . . The many become one, and are increased by one."

The catch is on the word “creativity” which suggests a process of creation. I have some questions about this. What is this "complex unity"? Is it something different and new from the “many”? Are the many and the one are of the same genus? What is the relationship between Creativity as the ultimate principle on the one hand and the many and the one on the other hand? I am not clear either with what “there is” here means and whether we could compare it with Heidegger's explanation about Being as “there is” in On Time and Being.

Meanwhile, Heidegger described lethe as a horizon from which things/beings emerge and to which beings rest. So it does not create beings or make it appear. It is actually Ereignis that allows beings to appear within our field of vision (see Discourse on Thought). This Ereignis appropriates Being and beings to their own most. If lethe then appears as a “movement”, it is, in my opinion, because of this Ereignis.

So, can Ereignis be associated with Whiteheadian Creativity then? I am not sure because Ereignis does not create something new, as the one come from the many as in Whitehead’s thoughts. It simply appropriates (Being and beings). Unfortunately there is not much can be derived from Ereignis except that it appropriates. This is so typical Heidegger to say of something as if it was already very clear while it is actually not ;-). But let’s say we accept what he said about that for the sake of argument. In From Enownment, Contribution to Philosophy, he said Ereignis is actually Being that holds sway. To compare it with Whitehead's thoughts, we need to be clear about the nature of Creativity and its relationship to the one and the many.

What Ereignis appropriates is the so-called belonging-together (Zusammengehörigkeit) of Being and beings. Being and beings are not the same, not of the same genus obviously if we could even say that, but they belong together. Between Being and beings there stands this famous ontological difference that forever cannot be bridged. In contrast, the one in Whitehead's thoughts comes from the many.


2. From your example about the shift in perspective of the idea of Being, can we say that "lethe" is similar to the moment of unknowness? If yes, then the category applies here is epistemological rather than ontological. Am I right?

If it is asked how we know that lethe “exists”, then yes it might be an epistemological issue in a sense that we know something is never fully disclosed when it "appears" differently throughout history. But this is where the importance of time in Heidegger’s thoughts sets in. It has got to do with the meaning of Being as presencing with temporal character as opposed to presence which is traditionally understood as something ever-present, constant, unchanging. Being discloses itself (or we can say Being gives itself) in an epochal way. By saying this Heidegger was injecting a sense of historicity to the meaning of Being.

Therefore, it is not simply an epistemological category because (at one point of time) there is no telling about what there is to know or yet to know or whether we could know it or not. Being is hidden not because we have or do not have knowledge about it but because it is the way Being discloses itself. It discloses itself in history which Heidegger called the history of Being. This way, Heidegger is saying goodbye to the never-changing, absolute, Idea of Plato.

This is as far as I understand ... or misunderstood ;-)

The Being-Thrown of Ayn Rand

I was quite startled to find out that a 1991-polling placed Atlas Shrugged as "the second-most influential book (after the Bible) for Americans". Atlas Shrugged is one of Ayn Rand’s novels. Seriously? Are Americans that capitalistic, individualistic?

Ayn Rand is not an economist but with her philosophy which she calls objectivism, she is described by one article as "the modern fountainhead of laissez-faire capitalism.” She is also described “as an impassioned, uncompromising, and unapologetic proponent of reason, liberty, individualism, and rational self-interest."

She fervently criticizes altruism. For her, the highest form of happiness is fulfilling one's own dreams, not someone else's – or the public's. She sees man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.

It is usually very easy to attack too-radical-thoughts. I am not going over details about her philosophy for I have not read much of her books. But perhaps by reading her books (mostly novels) we could understand Americans much better (a smiley sign here). I seldom heard her thoughts being discussed here in STF Driyarkara or in Indonesia. Perhaps they don’t regard her as an important philosopher as the Americans do.

I have not read Atlas Shrugged though I have the book at home. I also have The Fountainhead. My friend Dede has given me those books ages ago. He even gave me The Fountainhead twice because he forgot that he actually has already given me that book once. I must have looked like I desperately needed to read the book. Do I look like an “objectivist”? Or do I look like a lost capitalist who needs to repent?

But I have read Anthem, Rand’s other novel. In that book, she criticizes communalism, totalitarianism, and at the same time passionately promotes individualism. However, I find that her criticism is rather too extreme. She is overdoing it. Perhaps it has got something to do with her life experience. She was a Russian native who ran away to the States years ago when Russia / USSR was still very much a communistic country. Her extreme reaction against communism, totalitarianism and her strong beliefs in individualism are therefore understandable.

Don’t we all always think or philosophize from our situatedness, our being-thrown-in-the-world? This is how I perceive later Heidegger as a rather too-extreme “correction” to early Heidegger after the Nazi event. But does it mean we are always determined by our situatedness? What does this determination mean if so?

Welcoming the Nothingness

Aren’t we all afraid of standing before the nothing or shall we say it nothingness? We, the so-called modern people, love to get ourselves busy in order to escape from the quest about the nothingness. But in Heidegger’s thought, nothingness is very crucial. Heidegger’s preoccupation with the nothing become an important theme that bridges his early and later work and serves to characterize his unique approach to philosophy [Basic Writings, 93]. But wait the minute, how could we deal with or question the nothingness if it is nothing at all? What is nothingness? Is it even possible to question the nothingness?

First of all, the nothingness is not the “not thing” or the negation. According to Heidegger, we know the nothingness when we are anxious. The nothingness is revealed by anxiety. In Being and Time, Heidegger says that anxiety is different from fear in a way that the object or cause of anxiety is never clear and definitive. We get anxious when standing before something dark, mysterious, or unknown. However, dealing with nothingness is actually the same as dealing with Being, says Heidegger because “pure Being and pure Nothingness are the same” [Basic Writings, 110]. Interrogating the nothing - asking what and how it, the nothing is – turns what is interrogated into its opposite. The question of the nothingness puts us, the questioners, in question. It is a metaphysical question. It is a question about Being.

We know how important the term aletheia which basically means the openness, disclosedness or unconcealedness of Being to Heidegger’s thought. It is impossible to talk about aletheia without talking about “lethe” which is the hidden, the concealed, the undisclosed part/aspect of aletheia because the word aletheia itself consists of two words these are “a” and “lethe”. This lethe is what remains hidden when Being is disclosed. Consequently, Being is never fully disclosed. Whenever Being discloses or gives itself (or appropriated by Ereignis), at the same time Being also conceals or withdraws itself. Heidegger even claims that what is concealed is more original than what is disclosed or unconcealed.

Then how do we deal with nothingness or the nothing? In Being and Time, Heidegger calls us to question Being. However in later Heidegger, apparently the more appropriate action or attitude is to welcome or to be friend with the unknown, the mystery. Nothingness is not something that we could or should conquer by disclosing everything or by grounding everything to reason. With mystery Heidegger refers to something that is beyond our calculative, representational thinking. How do we do it? We should be waiting in silence, contemplating about what closest to us and most importantly letting being be (Gelassenheit). With this, Heidegger is saying goodbye to philosophy of willing.

Ah, sounds so mystical. Though he refuses being labeled as a mystic saying that mysticism is a flight from thinking, his later thinking and his “closeness” to Meister Eckhart, one of the great German mystics, tell us otherwise. But whatever the label is, I think what Heidegger is trying to do is to give room to the unknown, the mystery which the modern people tend to ignore or even dislike. I myself hate being in the dark not knowing what's going on. I don't like the uncertainty. But life is so full of mystery, uncertainty, the unknown. We are already thrown into that kind of life. Guess, we just have to make peace with it by welcoming the mystery as the interesting element of life.

Happy Good Friday!

For The Next Two Years

For the next two years, Warsun will have to take care his only daughter, Rola, when Yuni, his wife, is in Singapore to work as a foreign domestic worker. Yuni is currently still doing the training in Jakarta. Warsun does not really like that idea. Why is that? “Because I will have to do all of the chores. I will have to wash the clothes. And, I will have to help my mother selling the mendoan”, said the 37-years-old man. Life is not easy when the wife is not around, isn’t it Mas Warsun?

But it is not all exciting either for Yuni who had worked in the Middle East three times before trying her luck in Singapore this time. Of those three times working in the Middle East, only once she managed to bring her salary home because two of her ex employers there did not pay her salary after all the hard work she had done for them. She said the family that she worked for in the Middle East got houses as big as a football field and had so many family members. Did those employers get busted for not paying her salary? You bet they did not.

Nevertheless these experiences never stop her from trying again. In fact, she is still very much determined to work overseas. To her, being a successful foreign domestic worker is a matter of luck. It never occurs to her that it is her right to get protected, to demand the salary she earns. Perhaps she has never heard that by law (UU No. 39 / 2004) the government is obliged to protect Indonesian migrant workers while working overseas. Apparently, many foreign domestic workers from Pekaja, Kali Bagor, Banyumas also subscribe to this point of view. Their only hope is to be lucky that is they get good employers. They do no have so much faith in the government, don’t they?

So despite her painful past experiences as a foreign domestic worker, Yuni has set her mind to go to Singapore. Given her education level (junior high school) and Indonesian high unemployment rate, being a foreign domestic worker does not seem to be much of an option to her. She basically follows the examples set by people around her like her own mother, her mother in-law, her relatives, her friends in the village who had gone overseas to work as foreign domestic workers. As a part-time construction worker, her husband does not make much money. Her husband’s mother, with her mendoan business helps them with their daily meals and housing. But obviously they also have other needs and Yuni who had once earned money on her own feels the need to have her own money. They have already sold the motor bike that they bought from her only one-time success working in the Middle East. They need money now. Yuni said she wants to use the money to renovate the kitchen, to pay for the bills, to pay for Rola’s education and buy other stuffs. So it’s time to go.

Unfortunately for the next two years Yuni will have to leave Rola at home, her daughter who turns 8 this April and already misses so many years being with her mother. I am not sure what Rola really feels this time. Yuni first left her when she was 4 months old. But she is big enough now to feel and understand the absence of a mother. Perhaps Rola hates the situation. Or perhaps she is growing accustomed to not having her mother around. But for Yuni, it is a dreadful situation. The guilt is so much to bear. But I don't know what else to do, said the 24-years-old woman quietly.

The sad thing is, she is not sure when she will stop doing this because the money she earns will only be enough to feed her family for maybe 2 or 3 years apart from the renovation. She will have to work 253 days per year (she only gets 1 day off per month in Singapore) for the next two years to bring home Rp 17 million (US$ 1,900) after taking into account the 8-months salary deduction. She knows she will need to do at least another period after the current one. If only she knows how to manage the money into a productive/income-generating activity, maybe 2 periods are enough. But for the time being, Warsun has to wash the clothes for the next two years …

Glossolalics

Thomas Sheehan of Stanford University coined the term “glossolalics” (analogous to alcoholics) referring to the addiction to terms / glossary by the so called Heideggerians. Oh I like the term! It perfectly pictures the overwhelming difficulties one is having when dealing with Heidegger’s new or newly invented terms. It is so overwhelming that Sheehan cynically said that Heideggerians tend to pay too much attention on the glossary: “Heideggerians seem to have abandoned philosophy to become a glossolalics who think the same thought without need of speech and babble the same speech without need of meaning”. He even added that it was not only the outsiders (non-Heideggerians) that did not understand what we (the Heideggerians) were talking about, “there is a growing suspicion that we don’t either.” Oops!!

Though Sheehan’s comments really nail the head, the Heideggerians are not to be blamed. I think it is simply inevitable because Heidegger’s main ideas are centered around those new terms: Being, Dasein, Ereignis, Geviert, Gelassenheit, Austrag, Abgründ, etc. I believe the problem lies not so much on the new terms themselves because anyway Heidegger still uses human languages despite his efforts to find the originary meanings of the words. He digs up some ancient Greek words and creates new German words. The thing is he hardly gives clear, distinct definitions of the words. Even if he does, the meaning often changes or being redefined throughout his scattered essays or writings. This has created so many interpretations over the ambiguous meanings.

He, of course, realized this difficulty. He defended himself calling his works not “works” but “ways”. But these “ways” have given me hard time. So not only one has to deal with ambiguous meaning of the words but s/he also has to figure out these confusing ways of Heidegger. And things are even harder for someone like me who has to write her thesis in Indonesian. I wrote a thesis on later Heidegger focusing on Dasein as the clearing site of Being to find out about the relationship between man and Being. Since I have never seen any books on later Heidegger written in Indonesian, I had to find or reinvent new Indonesian words, new terms. Believe me, this was a tremendous task! Moreover, I do not read Heidegger’s works in German. Well, even if I did, I don’t think it would have been so helpful because the words are not the everyday German. I often find different English words for the same German word because they were translated by different translators. I got lost in translation.

After a long struggle, I managed to finish my long overdue thesis two weeks ago. It took me almost 4 years to finish it before I get kicked out of the school, STF Driyarkara. I was supposed to sit for the exam next month. Well, I don’t care about the exam. I hate exams. I am just hoping that my Indonesian terms do not stray way too far from its original meaning. In fact, I do not dare to ask whether they express what Heidegger really meant with those terms. I try to focus more on Heidegger’s ideas instead of those mind-boggling terms. But I am afraid I just joined the forces, become the glossolalics myself. Do I really know what I write? So what is Being? Who is Dasein?

How Much Money Does She Actually Make?

Her name is Sumirah, a mendoan seller from Pekaja, Kali Bagor, Banyumas. She makes the best mendoan (snack made of fermented soybeans or known as tempe) I have ever had in my life. But she does not quite know how much money she makes. Or so I thought ... perhaps I was wrong ...

I went to Banyumas, the hometown of mendoan to accompany Chi Yin, a journalist from Straits Times Singapore, to write some reports on domestic migrant workers. We were staying at Sumirah's house because her daughter in-law, Yuni, was leaving to Singapore to be a domestic worker that week.

Sumirah wakes up at 2 am in the morning to make mendoan so that she could sell them at around 5 – 6 am. This morning session will last at about 8 am. She would then start the second batch of mendoan making at around 2 pm which would normally end at around 5 – 6 pm. As a business owner, she has already established her loyal customers who are basically her own neighbors. Every morning and evening they come to her kitchen. The transactions take place in there. Her other customers are the school kids. In the morning, Yuni takes the mendoan to the kiosks near the schools. Yuni also goes door to door to sell mendoan. As she is now in Jakarta doing some training to be a TKI in Singapore, the mother in-law would need someone else (and that would be her son, Yuni’s husband I suppose) to do what she used to do. The business must go on, mustn’t it?

In between those 2 sessions she sometimes helps her husband taking care of some plants like chilly, peanuts and tapioca in their small piece of land. Sumirah usually ends her day in front of TV before going to bed at around 9 pm. There goes her daily activities, 7 days a week. She hardly takes a day off because a day off means no mendoan which means no money for the day. This is not something that she can afford because she is the breadwinner to whom the whole family including her son’s family depends on. She has to work every day, 10 – 13 hours a day, 7 days a week. Besides mendoan, she also makes other kinds of snacks like bakwan (fried vegetables), tahu isi (tofu stuffed with vegetables), meniran (rice cooked with coconut milk) or buntil (tapioca leaves cooked with coconut milk). They all taste so good.

Fired with the spirit to start up a microfinance program soon, I could not help but wondering how much money she actually makes after all the hard work. So there I was sitting in her kitchen asking her questions about her business. The mendoan (and other snacks) was priced at Rp 250 each. To find out about the revenue was an easy task. Her daily sales turnover was Rp 140.000. The problem arose when I asked her about the cost. She could not tell me. So I tried to calculate the cost by listing down the main ingredients which consisted of tempe (fermented soybeans), flour, some spices and coconut oil. Then I asked her the quantity and the price of each item to multiply and add them up to get the so called “cost of good sold”. To my surprise, I found out that the cost exceeded the revenue. Instead of making money, she actually lost money.

I told her about my finding and she just smiled at me. She did not seem to be bothered. Perhaps she thought I was just a smart-ass city folk who had no idea about this mendoan business. Or perhaps I simply got it wrong. I had a feeling that something was wrong with the information she gave me. It must have been either the coconut oil or flour. 10 liter of coconut oil or 10 kg of flour a day was rather too much for her sales turnover. Even if they were for 2 days of consumptions, the number would still be red.

It was such a simple calculation. Yet I could not figure it out. Where does my 10 years working experience as a fund manager go? This time I hope my calculation is wrong because otherwise she would need to increase the price. She actually mentioned to me about this possibility saying that people sold mendoan at Rp 500 in the nearest town. However she dares not to do it because she would lose her customers. But why bother doing business if you are losing money? So I really hope my calculation is wrong.

Anyway, she has been doing her job for 2 years now. She wouldn't survive that long if she keeps on losing money, would she? Well, perhaps I should have gotten up at 2 am, watched her doing her thing and done my own calculation. Too lazy, though.